"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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