He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She tied me up with her honor cords...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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