you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
