Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
