So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
