Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
