oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
