Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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