Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
