Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
