I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
