Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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