dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
