I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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