If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
