No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You ate ashes out of my bong
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
