:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
