I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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