I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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