I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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