When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
