So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Every concussion has its silver lining
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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