the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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