i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
