My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
