i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We left the knife in your bed.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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