I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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