You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize