is your mom at the bar?
Whod you bang
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
