im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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