i need an iv and a liver transplant
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
