Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
