It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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