3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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