he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
