she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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