I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
