i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
