member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
