I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you mean i was at the winter classic?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
