like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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