I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
