My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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