ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
