who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
