You work out of a Hotel?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
