True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
