You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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