It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
