If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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