I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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