I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
