Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
