I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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