I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
