You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
