Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Randomize
