are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize