i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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