My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
