i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
