Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize