You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
