i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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