Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
