I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize