So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
