The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
