Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
