Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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