The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
