Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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