Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
