I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
