he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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