my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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