she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
