Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize