I showed him my bush... on skype.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize