Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
