he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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