I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
