im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
