I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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