Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
