Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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