In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
