left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
