There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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