It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
