Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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