please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize