Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
