we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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