then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize