Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
