I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
