i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
