WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
how does that bad decision feel?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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