2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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