I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
