she was so not down for the gang bang
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize