why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm getting married
To pizza
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
