I don't usually arrange sex via text message
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize