True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
