Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
