he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
