with your own penis?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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