I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
