I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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